Author: GavinDrake

A lapsed Catholic goes to church for the first time in years. Before the service he feels he has to go into the confessional box to seek forgiveness for his long absence. He was amazed to find shelves containing fine Belgium chocolates, and a pint glass, next to a tap serving ice cold draught Guinness. […]

A few years ago, I had to go to hospital and was in there for a few weeks. I got more than a little bored with the quality of the food and drinks on offer and so put my dressing gown on over the hospital gowns and took a little wonder to see what I […]

Three people fall overboard from a ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Eventually they find sanctuary in the safety of an uninhabited island. Like all desert-island stories, the men are stranded and are not found by rescuers, so they make their new homes on the island. After a few years, one of them […]

Two vampire bats were hanging around in a barn on an isolated rural farm. They were desperately hungry because the farmer had moved the last of his animals for slaughter, and there hadn’t been enough blood for them to feed on. Finally, one of the bats said to the other: “It’s no use hanging around. […]

I have a lot of Jewish friends, and I have noticed that when I visit a couple, the lady of the house never offers me a cup of tea. It is always the husband who does it. I’ve worked out why: In Israel, Hebrews.

My dad taught me to swim the old fashioned way by throwing me into the water. It worked too. I’m a very confident swimmer. Although trying to get out of the sack was a little hard because he’d always tie the knot too tight.

A nun and a lawyer die on the same day and arrive at heaven’s gate together. St Peter is there to greet them and reassures them that they have been expected. “Follow me”, he says and he leads the pair through the streets of heaven. He arrives at an opulent mansion with gold embossed features, […]

We had a congregational lunch at church last week. Rather than the usual sandwiches and sausage rolls, the vicar had cooked up a huge batch of spaghetti carbonara. Which was great, because I was hungry. But he insisted on chatting with everybody as he dished it up; and after 20 minutes I was still queuing […]